Loving Self of People With Disability in Indonesia from The Perspective of

The focus of this paper is to examine Albert Camus' work on disability. The research method used is library philosophy research with qualitative descriptive characteristics. Camus' works are used as formal objects to analyze material objects, namely people with disabilities in Indonesia. Data analysis was performed by applying methodical hermeneutic elements: interpretation, historical continuity, heuristics, and description. This paper aims to explore the meaning of life for persons with disabilities in Indonesia from the perspective of Albert Camus' philosophy. The findings of this paper, from Camus' philosophy, make disability absurd. In order to have meaning in life, they must face absurd situations through loving themselves. That can be achieved by being self-aware and doing good things for yourself and others. These people use these ethical competencies to carry on the responsibility of doing good things for others.


A. PRELIMINARY
From the past, people with disability face challenges to live independently, productively and actively participate in society due to stigma, discrimination, and attitudes and environmental barriers 1 . That also happened in Indonesia. People with disability in Indonesia living in vulnerable conditions, backward, and / or poor caused by the flow restrictions, obstacles, difficulties, and reduction or omission rights of people with disability 2 . Data relating to vulnerability and poverty experienced by people with disability can be seen from the data from the 2018 Basic Health Research which concluded that 81.81% of people with disability had an elementary school education or no education. 14% of total people with disability do not work and 15.2% belong to the poor community group. This condition causes peoplewith disability experience barriers to active participation in the community, thus requiring support and assistance from others 3 and difficulties in accessing public services, education, health, employment and political access 4 Public infrastructure that is friendly to them and disability have not been seen as a human rights issue 5 . In addition, most members of the community still have a wrong understanding of disability such as the assumption that disability is the same as disease conditions so that disability is considered curable and can return to normal as before. Society still has a negative attitude towards people with disability so that they see people with disability as individuals who depend their lives on others, have limited mobility or functional, and are even unable to work 6 .  (International Labour Organization, 2005), 3. 4 TNP2K, "TNP2K -Tim Nasional Percepatan Penanggulangan Kemiskinan," 2, accessed January 11, 2019, http://www.tnp2k.go.id/downloads/persons-with-disabilities-in-indonesia-empirical-factsand-implications-for-social-protection-policies. 5 "WHO | World Report on Disability," WHO, 3, accessed January 11, 2019, http://www.who.int/disabilities/world_report/2011/en/. 6 Nancy A Brooks, "Self-Empowerment among Adults with Severe Physical Disability: A Case Study," J. Soc. & Soc. Welfare 18 (1991): 105. surrounding environment 7 . Individuals who have bodily limitations (impairments) will become disabled when dealing with environmental obstacles such as inaccessible facilities, unavailability of assistive devices or negative perceptions and attitudes of the community. Thus, disability is not an attribute attached to individuals but the term disability was coined by the social environment which causes individuals to be isolated and inhibited from participating in society 8 .
Basically humans have a will that is directed to achieve the meaning of life 9 .
The meaning of life is the goal of every human journey and various paths taken by humans to achieve the meaning of life 10 . In fact, people with disability have difficulty achieving life as a result of physical, mental and social problems 11 . Difficulties in achieving meaning in life for people with disability come from factors within themselves as well as outside factors. The internal factors are the responses of people with disability who consider disability as a personal tragedy while external factors stem from social and political problems such as lack of access to public space, discrimination at work and limited resources and carrying capacity to live independently 12 .
Disability is a part of human history. If disability is a part of human risk history, disability contributes to the formation of character and meaning of human life 13 . Thus, disability can reverse the positive meaning and peak of experience so that disability disrupts the projection of human thought on the meaning of life or how to live. However, Cassell 14 states that there is a relationship between a person's character with a response to disability. When someone experiencing disability but he is able to have a way to assess life and deal with or overcome his disability, he will be able to find the meaning of his life 15 . Many people with disability are successful and able to find meaning in life. An example is Stephen William Hawkings, Frida Kahlo as a polio who is able to paint himself because the best subject he knows is himself; Helen Keller as deaf mute but managed to become a political activist, writer and lecturer: Prof., Irwanto, as activist with disability and as director of disability studies at the University of Indonesia. Many people with disability are successful in the arts such as Hana Madness, Totok Ns, Wibowo and many more who are successful in the art world 16 .
The aforementioned phenomenon certainly requires analysis through research and disclosure to prove that peoplewith disability have meaning in life that is useful for understanding self-existence and leading a private and social life.
The formal object used to examine the meaning of life of peoplewith disability is the philosophical thinking of Albert Camus. Therefore, the aim of this research is what is the meaning of life for people with disability in perspective of Albert Camus' philosophy?

B. DISABILITY
Based on history, the understanding of disability has changed 17 .
Understanding disability underwent a transformation from a medical view to a social view. From medical perspective, disability is understood as a personal limitation that hinders the function of the body 21 or as a personal tragedy 22 . This view was motivated by the understanding that the medical approach oriented to the rehabilitation of disorders of bodily functions (impairment) or towards the restoration of normal body functions 23 . In reality, however, medical treatment is very difficult to restore or correct bodily functions to normal conditions as before 24 . Furthermore, the weakness of the medical model is not seeing the issue of life challenges experienced by people with disability and the meaning of the existence of disability or " meaning of disabled-existence " 25 because what is seen is due to changes or malfunctioning of mechanics in the body.
From a social perspective, someone who has a disability of the body (disabled body ) is no longer seen as a deviation, but disability are restrictions that are determined by deviations from the mentality of society, negative ideologies and narratives attached to public awareness or " social consciousness " 26 .
Disability is understood as a social and political issue not a medical issue 27 .
Peoplewith disability are marginalized because they experience poverty, suffer from disease, lack of achievement in education and even excluded from the 20   and is not a punishment 35 . However, disability occurs as a result of oppression, physical, social and cultural environment 36 . As a consequence, people with disability in Indonesia face challenges and barriers to accessing and participating in educational, economic, social, political and spiritual services because of the stigma, disability labels, structural barriers and unfulfilled rights received 37 , negative attitudes, misperceptions and misconceptions from people about disability 38 .
The negative attitudes and views of people towards people with disability affect the use of the term to describe people with disability. Initially, the term "defective" which was connoted abnormally or distorted or was unable to carry out its duties 39 was used as an official term. Then to refine the term and to respect the person with the term disability is replaced with the term disability which means loss or lack of 40 . Next to break the disability discourse the term disability is used to describe the house-cleaning capabilities 41 . Finally, the term disability was endorsed as an official term 42 although actually activists with disability disagree with the term. witness to the essence of his literary work. His essays were awarded after his death exemplifying that absurdity of death is suddenness, uselessness and illogical to explain why the accident happened ( the lack of logic to explain why ). So, Albert

D. ALBERT CAMUS: VIEWS AND THOUGHTS
Camus is known as a philosopher, extentialist, journalist, politician, husband and father. For people who know him personally, Camus is known as a person who is warm, sensitive and as a human being in general. He is also labeled as a person who is "joyous, fun loving, personal, passionate, caring and compassionate" 43 . absurdity can be seen from four aspects. First, people are looking for or demanding ways how to comprehend the world but the world did not cooperate with humans or it can be said that the world response to human needs in unreasonable or unintelligible ways. Second, humans really hope to unite with the universe as a manifestation of the diversity that exists between humans but the universe ignores human expectations. The world that presents itself in the presence of human sensations is separated in a pluralistic manner (disjointed plurality). Third, humans hope for a higher reality (like God), something transcendental or something cosmic that is meaningful but there is no meaning that can be distinguished or separated. Fourth, humans try to stay alive or at least achieve something permanent at the end of their lives but human efforts are in vain, something will not be meaningful or not something at all and it ends in death and is not realized or completely forgotten 45 .
According to Camus that life is absurd and he found the "intellectual malady" situation. Intellectual malady can be understood as an extraordinary human effort to find clarity in a world that is full of contradictions and inconsistencies unresolved circumstances. In a chaotic world situation, Camus chose to start discussions about suicide in an attempt to escape the tensions of life.
When humans believe that the absurdity experienced by humans can be justified then humans will believe why suicide is considered a philosophical concern. Therefore, the challenge that is raised by human existence is that humans choose to understand and face the absurdity and live life according to their beliefs.
Efforts to escape from a dead end in the form of suicide should not be a solution or a last resort. The principle of suicide is a call to play life backwards, while questioning what causes humans to make that decision, the answer is absurd. It is said to be absurd because there was no clarity about life The first thing done to face the absurd is to believe that life is better if there is no meaning. Camus 46 states "life will be lived all the better if it has no meaning".
Second, humans must explore honesty and rational or clear thinking. Humans should not allow denial, avoidance or imagination of escape in an afterlife where something is put in its place. Humans believe that life is sucked but then continues with the phrase "and I love it" or "all is well". Third, humans must show a rebellious attitude (revolt ), different ( defiance ) and reject with feelings of displeasure ( scorn ). Camus provides an endorsement of resistance to absurdity through " metaphysical revolts " as expressed as follows: "One of the only coherent philosophical positions is thus revolt ... Metaphysical revolt extends awareness to the whole of experience" 47 . Through " metaphysical revolt " man will find awareness of the whole experience.
Fourth, humans must work hard with what is available. Working hard needs to be done by involving happiness and satisfaction through playing. Humans should do something with a happy heart and "passion", and try to improve the energy to overcome the limitations. Camus stated that the journey of pushing a large stone to the top of the mountain give great joy as expressed as follows: "The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart ... that man must imagine that Sisyphus happy" 48 .
Fifth, human strives to face the absurdity and the will to live are realized through the affirmation of love, life and others 49 . Every day humans strive earnestly to find the significance of their work and actions. Camus encourages people to appreciate every beautiful, pleasant, happy life even though it is realized that the Plague is an expression of the helplessness of the good will of humans in the world 50 .
Sixth, through absurdity resistance Camus did a self-evaluation and from the evaluation he understood the ambiguity in his life. He became aware that he was a member of the society as he was not supposed to express the natural feelings of arrogant, introverted, un-differentiated and reservation. He changed the 47 Camus and Gilbert,54. 48 Camus and Gilbert,91. 49 Thomas Merton, Albert Camus' The Plague : Introduction and Commentary (New York: Seabury Press, 1968), 20. 50 Camus and Gilbert,The Plaque,119. response to the plague from feelings of sympathy to suffering and sympathy to the public to ironic decision making. This shift is evident in the narrative because it refers to the suffering experienced by the people of Oran with the word "we" and he uses the phrase "our fellow citizen" to replace the phrase "for English behavior of others" 51 . He consciously refused to be a part of a stupid and ignorant men.
However, gradually his attitude changed so that he did not condemn what the townspeople were doing. Camus is more respectful of humans and not degrading human beings. He expressed his appreciation for human good qualities that "men are more to be admired then despised" instead of foolery and ignorance 52 .

E. EFFORTS TO ACHIEVE MEANING OF LIVE
In order to achive the meaning of live from Camus's perspectives people with disability should have a notion that disability is absurd. Moreover, they should deal with absurd situations through loving self. Loving self can be achieved through the stages of self-awareness and doing good things to self and others.

Self Awareness
People with disability are supposed to make efforts to realize himself (selfawareness). They try to understand who they are and how the world situations around them are. They do their best to find the meaning of life so that they could improve the quality of life and continue their life. In the struggle with life and the meaning of life, people with disability become less sure of what they believe but they still obediently do what they believe. People with disability's journey to understand humanity and the conditions of the world is an example and proof that they are human thinkers who are rich in aspirations.
Camus is an example of humans who encourage himself to understand or develop knowledge and meaning in life. Camus sometimes doubts what he believes from day to day he still encourages people to understand that "what I have to say is more important than myself" 53 . In 1953, Camus conducted a self-exploration. He is 51 Adele King, ed., Camus's L'étranger: Fifty Years On (Basingstoke, Hampshire: Macmillan, 1992), 60. 52 Camus and Gilbert,The Plaque,287. 53 Albert Camus, Philip Thody, and Justin O'Brien, Notebooks, 1935-1951(New York: Marlowe & Co., 1998 concerned about what he really is as a human being and what is the purpose of his life? Camus questions himself and what is in him as expressed as follows: "A prisoner in the cave, I lie alone and look at the shadow of the world ... But the heart of the water is full of cold ... Who am I and what can I do ... If I try to reach myself, is at the heart of the light that I am to be found " 54 . People with disability should find out himself (self) and understand the conditions of the world. They realized that they are not a transcendent being as Camus revealed that he did not know what I expected from my presence with myself. "I don't know what I could wish for rather than this continued presence of self with self" 55 . After Camus has realized about himself he believed that he feels alienated from the world situation, experiencing the loneliness and alienation as he expressed when he traveled to Paris. "On the way to Paris. This fever beating in my temples. The strange and sudden withdrawal from the world and from man" 56 .
When people with disability feel in solitude and isolate from the world situation then they are able to find the meaninglessness of the universe. Their belief in the meaning of their existence leads to the notion that the world situation for them is something "simple". Besides that, the world situation and functions serve as a place to express joy or a primitive smile. Therefore, the landscape, the situation and the condition of the world influence their beliefs but none of the most essential influences in his life except "love" 57 .
People with disability who understand the absurdity of a disability event or situation are not interested in differences to become different. When people with disability are able to understand the difference between the absurd realities of the world and the desire to understand the clarity of a situation or event, they will focus their attention on these different views. Tension views about the difference between absurd reality with an understanding of the reality of the situation are called absurd events (an absurd moment ). In relation to disability, the understanding of absurd circumference from disability events has the function to direct people with disability to understand absurdity so that understanding 54 Camus,Thody,and O'Brien,9. 55 Camus,Thody,and O'Brien,10. 56 Camus,Thody,and O'Brien,13. 57 Camus,Thody,and O'Brien,13. absurdity creates a feeling that they are "strangers" to their existence. Active reflection on the new awareness helps people with disability to direct actions when compared to those of others. In other words, what people with disability believe or do is different from what other people believe and do.

Doing Good Things for Self and Others
An important lesson learned from the pestilence for people with disability is that they are not silence people but an eyewitness on the part of the victims of the pestilence plague, which at least remind them of the injustices and violence.
People with disability should express an easy way to get lessons during the period of pestilence or disaster. In line with Camus's conclusion that "there are more things in men to admire than to despise and there are more traits that can be admired than hated" 58 . However, during World War II Camus questioned "what value do humans have? During the life he has lived and the events that I have seen, I still have a sense of suspicion and anxiety about humans " 59 . At the end of his writing in the journal, Camus concluded that the "consequence of revolt against absurdity in a world without the presence of God is with philanthropy or generosity" 60 . Camus stressed his belief that humans must do good things and help other humans. What Camus revealed above can be related to ethics of hope that human actions and thoughts are based on a spiritually grounded philosophy of nonviolence although Camus stated several times in his novels that he was not a pacifist or not believe in God (unbeliever in a Supreme Being). The hope used by humans to respond to the gesture of love is more important than responding to the threat of violence. This expectation is important to form a non-violent ethic.
Person with disability's life is said to be good when they engage in or contributes to something " larger than oneself". The contemplation of the Sisyphus case should be sufficient to explain that the term " larger " is understood metaphorically. We imagine that the stone that is lifted up to the hill many times is very large but we need to understand that involvement in something is more 58 Camus,Thody,and O'Brien,67. 59 Camus,Thody,and O'Brien,155. 60 Camus,Thody,and O'Brien,237. important than oneself or in other words large is not related to size but is related to "value". Interpretation of the metaphor "larger than oneself" does not mean engaging ourselves with something bigger than ourselves from the perspective of physical size but with something bigger than ourselves. The purpose of something bigger than ourselves is something of value that is independent and comes from anything outside of itself. What the people with disability do, engaging in or contributing to others, is of no value but their dedication to themselves was the same as dedication or pleasant conditions for others.
If we interpret the message that people with disability involve themselves with something "larger than on self" as explained above, then what people with disability do is a representation of independent criteria for a fully successful and flourishing life. The combination of "larger than oneself " with "fulfillment view" produces a better conception about the meaningfulness of life 61 . To achieve meaningful life subjectively and objectively, people with disability must strive to find self-fulfillment and contribute to other people or society and be connected with something of positive value.
If meaningfulness of life is understood as a coherent dimension of value, as well a specific category of self-interest or as a broader category of the term "all that is desirable in a life", then it will be questioned if meaningfulness depends on satisfaction from two unrelated condition 62 . For example, Sisyphus carries a large stone up a hill then the stone rolls down repeatedly; the plague of pestilence as a frightening predator will attack or spread terror and disease to the public but Dr.
Rieux still tried to deal with patients affected by the plague, even though some people or some of the characters eventually died. people with disability must contribute to others even though they also overcome their difficulties.
Contributions to something that is "larger than oneself" do not make the quality of life of people with disability increase directly if they do not involve themselves emotionally and meaningfully with people, things or objects and activities. People with disability who do meaningful activities but they are not able to identify and feel proud of what they do then they do not get the meaning of what they have done. For example, people with leprosy are capable of producing goods or toys but they are alienated and confined to live in leprosy villages. Another example is workers on the "assembly line" or soldiers in war who is able to complete their duties but do not feel proud of what they are doing. Therefore, if the recommendation to involve oneself with something broader than himself is offered in the form of hope then the possibility of a meaningful life or understanding of the meaning of life as a human attribute will be appreciated.

F. SUMMARY
Camus's philosophical thoughts guide us how to face and deal with the world situation and condition considered as an absurd. A person should strive to conquer the absurdity even though there is no guarantee whether that is victory or just an accident againts absurd situation. The goals of human's endeavour is to achieve the meaning of live in the middle of absurd situation. Camus's philosophical thoughts could be as moral conscience for peoplewith disability to view and respect themselves, to establish norms in relation with members of family and society through loving self anf doing good thing to self and others.
It is expected that Camus's philosophical thoughts could be an ethical compatency for the person with disability in Indonesia to avert society's negative attitude and perception towards disability. People with disability should not be seen from the deficiencies or disruptions in the body they experience, even though ontologically there is indeed a "real loss". Real loss in the form of disability should not be conceived of by the community as "opportunity-limiting" because real loss does not automatically eliminate peoplewith disability's psychological, social, spiritual and value functions. Real loss in people with disability should not be seen as a minority by people who consider them to be the majority and current public knowledge does not assesses the normal abnormal (disability ) based on the majority.